“The future's uncertain and the end is always near”
December 8th, 1943.
(I know it’s 2021, folks. I do not possess the supreme ability to time travel yet and am happy to inform you that I am still in some command of my senses.) Though today, you might have to bear with my numerous references to Jim Morrison and the Doors throughout this post. It’s my way of showing my errr, shall we call it endearment for the long-departed music icon on his 78th.
"Is everybody in? The ceremony is about to begin."
Yoohoo Covid, what are you upto? I seem to have lost my flippant touch over the last couple of days. Let's see what I whip up today. To begin with, for a country that has more sheep than people, the Delta variant of Covid seems to have rattled New Zealand a fair bit in the last few months. It is an “at risk” country with respect to travel norms to India, with 7000 cases and 39 deaths in total. IN TOTAL. Hmmm, and we’re at what? 8000 odd new cases per day? The other countries labelled “at risk,” by the aviation ministry, I sort of get. South Africa, Zimbabwe, Ghana, Botswana, Tanzania, Hong Kong, Singapore, Mauritius, China, U.K., Israel (unsure if I missed any, though I’m sure you don’t care unless you’re travelling to or from said countries).
Serum Institute is going to bring down Covishield production by 50% because, not enough orders from the Centre. Though the Centre does have the habit of wanting to shut the stable door after the horse has bolted. Second wave oxygen shortages, general vaccine shortages, strike a chord in anyone’s memory? Half a year after Karnataka proposed setting up six genome sequencing labs, the health ministry wants the department of biotechnology (INSACOG, to be precise. Indian SARS-Cov-2 Genomic Consortia) to approve four labs. Got to love the sentence “While proposal was announced in June, it was in cold storage until Omicron scare.” How many of these waves and scares must we have for health infrastructure to be attended to? Ignore a problem or revise the needs and it ceases to exist?
Billionaires thrived during the pandemic, reports say. When do they not thrive? “The wealth of billionaires rose by more than $4 trillion, while 100 million more people joined the ranks of extreme poverty.” Funnily, a UNCTAD report in June had said, “The crash in international tourism due to the coronavirus pandemic could cause a loss of more than $4 trillion to the global GDP for the years 2020 and 2021.”
Not to make any uninformed arguments or generalisations here, but do allow me to talk about insta-loving billionaire celebs and not serious-minded business folk here. So, if you were a stereotypical insta-loving billionaire living in the age of the Covid-19 pandemic, you didn’t travel to fancy places and post sun-kissed pictures, you made a quarantine routine and posed each day next to your garden of orchids or whatever it is you grow, you extolled the virtues of chia seeds, unpronounceable beauty products, and random fitness routines. Stayed at home, and I don’t know, sing godawful renditions of Imagine? (RIP John Lennon). What else did they do? I reiterate, I am not on social media, I chance upon the occasional trend.
Oh media, we can't live with you, can't live without you. Jim Morrison once said, “Whoever controls the media, controls the mind.” Some random report about a Bain report that I was reading said Indian smartphone users spend like 5 hours on their devices daily (in which one hour is just “consuming” videos). I had to Google TikTok trends to know what videos people are obsessing over. And the kicker of the story I happened to check out was “If you’re not on TikTok, what are you doing?” Breaks into hysterical sobs. Forgive me if I suffer from existential ennui and not social media FOMO. People are telling others to stuff garlic up their noses to stop sniveling and OD on Benadryl to get high! Dear departed Jim Morrison said “I believe in the prolonged derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.” If derangement in the form of #viraltiktokhealthtrends is indeed the path to the unknown, I’d really rather not, thank you.
Now, here is my innovative solution. Just hear me out. Use a Patanjali product for the runny nose. You'll be cured. Forever. You'll stop sniffing, sniveling, and surviving, just kidding (maybe not). For getting high, oh come on, learn from Bollywood. Guys, Ganja FTW! You'll get rehab also for free, in jail, on the basis of a WhatsApp chat that shows that you know the meaning of the word (Let's hope that will not become my fate now. That or sedition.)
Speaking of reports about reports, do you realise that most news reports are in fact just reports of what people said about what reportedly happened? (I do beg your pardon for that sentence.) We have stories and analyses about tweets that “netizens” posted regarding incidents that may or may not have occurred or things that may or may not have been said. Our political news section is entirely about what Mamata di said about a likely non-issue (she always causes quite the stir), or what Modi imagines about Indian reality (“I miss critics,” said the great man last month. Someone tell me I’m living in the same country?), or what Rahul Gandhi says about whatever it is he talks about (Glad he at least makes the news. The media hasn’t made him that ignominious. Yet.). Popular news reports today are rarely about the actual 5Ws and 1H of the story itself, it appears.
One and a half out of the two sides of the sports section covers cricket. One-fourth of it is local and other matches. In the scheme of things in any sport, what makes each series or match such a big deal that headlines about it must be visible from outer space? I get the popularity. But the frenzy? Same with football in the UK. Please explain to me why the results or performance of 22 random famous people on the field whom the average man isn’t likely to meet but is obsessed with must be taken so personally as to become abusive? (I am, of course, referring to how ardent fans end up being absolutely sore losers when it comes to certain rivalries and matches). Their luck on the field isn’t going to remotely change your life unless you’re a lucky gambler. Historically, theoretically, and practically, my betting friend, the odds are against you.
Meanwhile...
What appeared to be a group tussle in Dakshina Kannada in Karnataka has reportedly taken a communal turn, with a person receiving threats for running a fish vending stall. We, in India, have established that we need a national cow science exam, on Gau Vigyan, and are unabashed and unapologetic in expressing our concern for holy cows in the country. We have also established that we are thin-skinned about delicate matters related to this. Are we getting scaly about things too? More on Namma Karnataka. From Hassan, we must all learn to take a leaf out of legislative council election candidates if we are to get what we want. They’ve started distributing silver coins etched with images of deities and posters of the temple of Ayodhya and Rama to get votes. The objective: God fearing voters will not cheat after accepting these gifts, you see. I need to read more about psyche and behaviour, clearly. The report also said that women voters got sarees, while men were invited for a feast. Hey, what if I wanted free food instead of the saree?
Dear popular national daily. “As Af fell to Taliban, UK abandoned supporters…” I am sure you know what af stands for in millennial lingo. Why in the hypothetical universal Grand Vizier’s name would you shorten the headline to refer to Afghanistan as af, and use it in the same sentence as the Taliban? I’ve had a lot to say today. But I was appalled when I read this headline. “2-mth-old’s dad, man married for 9 days among Oting’s 13. It’ll Be a Dark Xmas in Naga Hamlet This Yr.” 13 civilians died. The families and communities around are in shock and absolute grief. The news is extremely saddening. Must your headline undermine the gravitas of the situation by making it an ambiguous abbreviations galore on the front page?
I end today’s rather garrulous post, with a quote by Aldous Huxley, often misattributed to Jim Morrison.
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